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Hate Hurts
Hate Hurts
Kids Do Experience Hate
Responding to Situations You Find Offensive:
A Five-Step Process
Hate Hurts Table of Contents
Tips for Teachers/Parents
Lesson Plans


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Education  
How Children Learn and Unlearn Prejudice RULE
Responding to Situations You Find
Offensive: A Five-Step Process

Introduction: Kids Do Experience Hate

1

Part One: Understanding Hate and Where It Comes From

1.

From Birth to Teens: How Children Learn About Differences

13

 

Infants - I Distinguish Between "Me" and Others

15

 

First Discovery of "Others" .

16

 

Toddlers - I Explore Differences

19

 

First Questions About Differences

20

 

Three- to Five-Year-Olds - I'm Learning to Interact with Others

22

 

Self-worth Develops

24

 

Children Are Not Color-blind

25

 

Six- to Eight-Year-Olds - I'm Myself and I'm Part of Society .

28

 

First Conscious Contact with Hate

30

 

From Hate to Hope

32

 

Nine- to Twelve-Year-Olds - Myself, My World, My Own Values

34

 

Teenagers - I'm Independent, Except When I Need You

36

 

Cruelty May Not Be Hate

38

 

Conclusion

41

2.

Some Things That Make People Different from One Another

43

 

Gender

44

 

Sexual Orientation

48

 

Race

54

 

Religion

62

 

Culture and Ethnicity

69

 

Reacting to Differences

75

 

Differences of Ability

80

 

Conclusion

84

3.

Why Do People Hate?

86

 

What Is Hate and Why Do People Feel it?

89

 

Hating Out of Ignorance and Untrue Information

90

 

"Kids, Kids, Remember What I Told
You. . ."

94

 

Hating Out of Fear of the Unfamiliar

96

 

`I Am a Member of _____. That's Why l Haveto Say What I Have to Say; . . ."

98

 

"I Believe 1 Should Speak Up. . . ."

103

 

Hating Out of Hurt and Anger

104

 

Role Models for Overcoming Hatred

110

 

"Momma, Daddy Said We Shouldn't Hate"

113

 

Conclusion

115

4.

What Can We Do About Hate?

116

 

Talking to Your Kids

121

 

Dialogue About Diversity

122

 

Ground Rules

126

 

Respecting Our Differences

130

 

Conclusion

133

Part Two: Questions About Hate/Responses to Hate

Introduction

137

5.

Hello, World: Questions and Answers for Infants to Preschoolers

141

6.

Watch Out, Here 1 Come: Questions and Answers for Three- to Five-Year-Olds

147

 

First Stereotypes

149

7.

Onward and Upward: Questions and Answers for Six- to Eight-Year-Olds

154

 

Sample Scenarios

158

8.

Tweens: Questions and Answers for Nine- to Twelve-Year-Olds

166

 

Clarifying Values

168

 

Ask, Don't Tell, and Other Protocols

170

 

Asking for Affirmation, Not Answers

175

9.

I Exist, Therefore I Embarrass You: The Teenage Years

181

10.

Name-calling

193

 

What Parents Can Do to Respond to Name-calling

202

 

When Your Child Uses Hurtful Names

203

 

When Your Child Has Been on the Receiving End of Hurtful Words

205

11.

Joking

207

 

Responding to Situations You Find Offensive: A Five-step Process

213

 

Sexual Orientation and Disability Slurs

217

12.

Excluding, Zooing, and Other Inappropriate Behaviors

221

 

Excluding

221

  Explore the Expressed Reason for Exclusion

225

  Responding to the Perpetrator

226

  Discuss How Exclusion Feels

231

  When Your Child Is the Victim

231

 

Zooing

235

13.

Crimes of Hate: Physical and Emotional Violence

239

 

Setting the Rules on Violence

242

 

If Your Child Is Being Victimized

248

 

Ask Questions

249

 

Offer Help

249

 

Don't Keep It Secret

250

 

Common Questions

252

 

When Your Child Is the Perpetrator

254

14.

Diversity Skills and Concepts

259

 

Basic Diversity Skills

260

 

Asking Questions

261

 

Answering Questions

263

 

Ten Key Concepts About Hate

266

Part Three: Challenging Hate Outside the Home

Introduction

271

15.

Combating Hate in Schools

273

 

What Parents Can Do

275

 

What Children Can Do

280

16.

Combating Hate in the Media - TV, Movies, Books

293

 

Screening Television and Movie Messages

294

 

TV and Movie Questionnaire

295

 

Evaluating and Selecting Children's Literature

297

17.

Combating Hate on the Internet

304

 

What Parents Can Do

306

 

What Children Can Do

309

 

Conclusion

310

18.

Making a Commitment to Change

311

 

In Your Community

312

 

In Your Workplace

315

 

In Your House of Worship

317

 

Resources

>319

 

Organizations and Web Sites

319

 

Selected Bibliography

322

 

Permissions

331

A Joint Campaign of ADL and Barnes & Noble to Break the Cycle of Hate Through Reading
Additional Resources

A World Of Difference®
  • Recognizing bias
  • Exploring diversity
  • Combating prejudice
Related Links
What to Tell Your Child about Prejudice?
No Place For Hate:
101 Ways You Can Beat Prejudice!
Discussing Hate & Violence with your Child
Talking to your Child about Hatred & Prejudice
 

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